Just Have Fun With It!

Introvert Wish List Survey: win a book!

When was the last time you asked for what you wanted? 

When was the last time someone else asked YOU what you wanted? Well here’s your chance to tell me what you want from me and my coaching services, products and programs for 2010. I want to provide coaching that gets you the results you want, in the way you want.

I am a big-time advance planner, so I am thinking about 2010 now. I want to offer products and programs we can all be excited about (me excited to create them; you excited to receive them). However, despite all appearances to the contrary (ask my former clients) I am not a mind reader – so I need your help:

Please take some time to answer my short survey. As a further incentive, one respondent will be chosen at random (I will physically write each name on a piece of paper and ask hubby Alexander to draw a name out of a real, live hat!) to win a book of her choice from my Introvert’s Ultimate Reading List (see the blog sidebar for the list of book titles).

 

Answer the survey now

 

Your survey responses will be anonymous, so after answering the survey, send me an email with the subject line “I took the survey” so I can enter your name in the drawing. (You will be reminded to do this at the end of the survey; email address is on there also.) Drawing will be on or about Dec. 15, 2009.

Limiting Beliefs: 3 hidden benefits

Unless you are extremely advanced in your personal development path, you have some limiting beliefs. We all do. You know, the kind of beliefs that either stop you in your tracks, hold you back, or slow you down. The kind of beliefs that you typically do not verbalize, perhaps because you are not aware of them on a conscious level.

Yet, even when we are aware of our limiting beliefs and we realize we want to change them, or let them go; we find it really hard to do so. Why is that? I believe that it’s because these limiting beliefs have an upside as well; some hidden benefits.  In order to release a limiting belief, first become aware of the “payoff” and then find another way to satisfy the need that the payoff is fulfilling.

Some common limiting beliefs:
1.    I’m not good enough.
2.    I’m not ready.
3.    I don’t know enough to…
4.    I can’t do X because there are people who do it much better than I.
5.    I have to wait until I am sure that this will work/that this is the right choice.
6.    I’m too old/young/fat/weak/stupid/etc to do…
 
Some common hidden benefits:
1.    The belief helps you avoid something.
2.    The belief gets you “off the hook.”
3.    The belief maintains your status quo; keeps you where you are, safe and comfortable.

Consider the example of “I’m not good enough.” You know how it stops you: you hesitate, procrastinate or just don’t go after what you want. You don’t ask for that job, that promotion, that sale. Why, because you are “not good enough;” you know the answer will be “no.” Why bother?

Let’s look at how that belief benefits you: you get to avoid rejection, you get to avoid the discomfort of asking. Perhaps asking for a promotion means you need to do some preparation, for example preparing a list of your recent accomplishments, summarizing your reasons for why you deserve the promotion. Well, that takes work. Believing you are not good enough (and therefore you are not going to ask) means you also get to avoid doing all that prep work. Believing you are not good enough gets you off the hook; it absolves you of personal responsibility (well really nothing absolves you of personal responsibility, but this can trick you into thinking you are off the hook).

Hmm, the benefits are starting to look pretty enticing aren’t they? Being aware of the upside, as well as the downside, is the first step in releasing old beliefs, beliefs that may not be serving you well. Can you find another way to get those benefits without resorting to the limiting belief? In the example above, can you find another way to avoid rejection, or a way to lessen its sting, that also allows you to believe that you are indeed good enough? Are you so absolutely sure that you are going to be rejected? If you are rejected, will that feel as bad as the feeling you get when you put yourself down?

You hold on to beliefs as long as they serve you in some way. So focus on how the belief serves you as well as how it hinders you. You might just identify a need that must be satisfied (for example to feel “safe”) before you can progress. Expanding your limits is not a one-time act; it is a life-long process if you choose (and remember, it is a choice) to step up to the plate.

What limiting beliefs do you have trouble letting go of? Have you discovered any hidden benefits? If so, what are the benefits for you?

The Joy Diet: Truth

Menu Specifics

Menu Item #2 in The Joy Diet is to "Create and absorb at least one moment of Truth each day." The recommended way to do this is to start with our (hopefully already-established habit of) 15 minutes per day of Nothing, then ask ourselves the following questions:

1. What am I feeling?
2. What hurts?
3. What is the painful story I am telling?
4. Can I be sure my painful story is true?
5. Is my painful story working?
6. Can I think of another story that might work better? 

After answering these questions, we offer compassion to ourselves, or as Martha Beck writes, "Offer compassion to your inner lying scumbag." (I love how she can be so light about it.)

My Experience with Truth

I had a mixed experience with this. I did not have any breakthroughs, but neither did I feel any significant pain when getting to question number 2. Since I was not aware of pain, I had nothing to work with for questions 3 through 6.  Can it be that I am that well-adjusted? Or is it that I am so good at suppressing my pain that I am hiding from it? 

Another reason I may not have experienced much Truth is that I am still learning to still my mind. I did better this week, compared to last week, in terms of getting my Nothing time in, but my mind chatter is persistent -- I need more practice before I can really still my mind consistently. Martha suggests, if you can't get still, to ask yourself: "Why am I avoiding stillness?" instead of the six questions above. I tried working with the six questions, because my intention was to not avoid stillness. But in retrospect, I think my Truth is that, intended or not, I avoided stillness by "struggling" with the Nothing exercise. 

My Truth

As I write this, my Truth hits me: admit that my difficulty in stilling my mind, consistently, is because I have conflicting desires. Part of me wants to be still, to be more aware, and the other part of me is protecting something. Maybe I am just afraid to know what I KNOW (cuz then I would need to act on it). Yes I am avoiding stillness, and until now, did not want to admit that to myself. Now all I have to do is figure out what I am trying to protect. Awareness need not be scary.

Vision Board

The most fun part of this week for me was creating my mini vision board for Truth. Here it is!

THe Joy Diet: Nothing

Week 1 of The Joy Diet: Do Nothing for at least 15 minutes a day.

I knew this one would be a challenge, because I've tried it before.  However, it is now years later: I've evolved, right? I'm a life coach who encourages all my clients to develop a "reflective practice;" I tell them that this time is essential self-care.

So how did I do? 

Not very freakin' well! I've discovered that it's a lot easier to talk about the benefits of doing nothing than it is to do nothing. Just like my clients report, I find it very difficult to really do nothing. I get all anxious about the stuff that is not getting done and I feel guilty.  Now, there were times last week when I did do nothing (I was on vacation) but it was not an intentional nothing. Does that count?

Attempting to Do Nothing has also triggered my perfectionist switch in a big way:

• I fail at Doing Nothing if it is less than 15 minutes
• I fail at Doing Nothing if I am not absolutely still (mind & body)
• I fail at Doing Nothing if I skip one day
• I fail at Doing Nothing if I don't notice an immediate benefit
• I fail at Doing Nothing if even when I manage to not do anything, I feel guilty about it

So here's what I'm going to do:

• Focus on the successes more (for example, I did schedule time every day to do nothing -- blocked it out on my calendar)
• Allow myself to do nothing imperfectly
• "Be with" the guilt and let it teach me the lesson it wants to teach

Next week is Truth; sounds scary but for me, easier than the Nothing exercise. Of course I will continue to master Nothing over the next week too. Oh! I almost forgot! I like Jaime's suggestion to make vision cards. I might try my hand at that too.

Your thoughts?

The Joy Diet Book/Reading Club

I must confess; I'm a little late to the party, but here I am now! (I had an excuse -- out camping for the last two weeks).

Buy The Joy Diet here.

I'm joining with a LOT of other bloggers in a group project called The Next Chapter, where we read through Martha Beck's The Joy Diet, and post our thoughts each week (on Fridays) It's lead by Jaime Ridler, a Co-Active Coach for creatives. You can read more about the group -- join us if you wish by clicking here.

The book jacket describes The Joy Diet as "a menu of ten behaviors you can add to your way of living and thinking to enhance every day's journey through the unpredictable terrain of your existence."

Whew! Sounds like something I could benefit from! Actually I bought this book years ago because I had read another of Martha Beck's books and found it very insightful, easy to read and useful. But as with many good intentions, the book found its way to my bookshelf unread. Well to be perfectly honest, I started reading it years ago -- and the very first behavior: Do Nothing for 15 minutes a day -- stopped me in my tracks. I wasn't able to do it, and the book makes it clear you need to master this step before you move on to the next one. So on the bookshelf it went. I'm thinking with some group accountability (don't we coaches just love accountability?) I'll be better able to stay on track and actually finish implementing all ten behaviors.

Our first "real" post -- on our experiences with Doing Nothing are due tomorrow. How did I do this time around? You'll have to wait and see when I post tomorrow!

Don't forget you can join in the fun (and joy) yourself if you blog, or you can just follow my progress at this blog. Wishing you all much Joy!

Are you just gonna wring your hands?

My youngest sister once told me (very insightfully)” “Face it, Jo; you’re not happy unless you have something to worry about. Once one worry is resolved, you just find something else to worry about.”

She was absolutely right; I had to laugh at her observation. However it took someone else to point this out to me before I realized how much I let worry consume me. It was my habitual response to the unknown. I also realized that I did not want to maintain this habit anymore. Now, my older and much wiser self has found a better way, a better habit (although I do backslide from time to time) – I turn my worry into a concern.

What’s the Difference?

“There is a great difference between worry and concern. A worried person sees a problem, and a concerned person solves a problem.” ~ Harold Stephens

Both concern and worry are perspectives about an event or circumstance taking place in the future.  They both answer the question: What if…?  It’s in the answer to this question that we can discern between concern and worry.  If the answer includes a strategy, plan of action or other structure that reduces fear or tension, it is concern.  Heightened awareness without the burden of fear or dread is also evidence of concern.  Worry is characterized by an answer to the “what if?” question that consists of dread, doom, or endless mental replaying of worst-case scenarios. 

As the quotation above suggests, a perspective of concern leads you toward a solution.  A perspective of worry leads you to more worry and stress, as you wring your hands helplessly.

Why do We Worry So Much?

I’m going to make some blanket statements here; maybe they are true for you, maybe not. The point is for you to consider the possibilities and help you identify your sources of worry.

• We worry because we mistakenly believe that we are “doing something” to prevent, delay or ameliorate an undesired outcome. In reality, the only thing that worry is “doing” is expending needless mental and emotional energy.  The outcome is not affected by your worry.
• "It only seems as if you are doing something when you're worrying. "  ~Lucy Maud Montgomery
• We worry because we have made it a habitual response, or coping mechanism.  In this case, we do it automatically, without forethought.
• We worry because we are (or were originally) getting some kind of payoff from it. The payoff isn’t always obvious, but I can guarantee you, it’s there. Look for the payoff (either something you gain or something you avoid/lose by worrying) and see if you can find other ways to get that payoff.
• We worry because we lack trust, either in ourselves, our spiritual belief system (whatever that may be), or both. In other words, we don’t know for sure that “everything is going to be OK” and we are extremely uncomfortable with that uncertainty. (I don’t know about you, but I meet many introverts who have a strong need for clarity/certainty. There’s nothing wrong with needing clarity; the problem is we often look for it in the wrong places.)

Future vs. Present

Note that both concern and worry are perspectives that focus on the future. As a coach, I encourage my clients to focus on the present. Although changing your perspective from worry to concern will empower you, you can further empower yourself by shifting focus to the NOW.

Making the Shift

I propose this two-step process:

1)    Shift from worry (hand-wringing) to concern (planning/strategizing). Some questions to get you started:

• What specific outcome(s) are you imagining?
• How likely is that outcome to actually occur?
• How can you find out more about this situation?
• What actions can you take should this situation occur? Do you have a plan of action or strategy? 
• What’s the worst that could happen? How can you prepare for that?
• Who can support you if this situation should occur?

• Are you preparing for the future or are you trying to predict the future?

2)    With plan or strategy in mind, focus on what you can do right now. Some questions to get you started:

• What is happening now, that thinking about the future is helping you avoid?
• What are your concerns about the future telling you about what you have now, that you value?
• What is something you can do right now, that will help ease your mind?

Are you a habitual worrier? How do you handle your worrisome thoughts? Please share with a comment.

Choose Your Course; Never Look Back

At a Crossroads...

I can still recall this moment clearly, even though it happened over 20 years ago: I was leaving my first “corporate” job as a statistical programmer to work for a little start-up company (now known as Biogen Idec) as one of only two biostatisticians. It was a big leap in responsibility and skill level for me, and I was moving across country (Northern California to Cambridge, Massachusetts) to grab this opportunity to grow. Many people at the old job stopped by on my last day to give me their best wishes. Among them, a high-level director came by to personally wish me well, and he told me he was sure I would do well in my new position. 

Enter Doubt...

I was flattered by this, and it meant a great deal to me because I had doubts: doubts that I would do well; doubts that I made the “right” decision (because I had already established a stellar reputation where I was); doubts that I would be better off in Massachusetts, where I knew no one. So I asked this director about his career path; if he ever regretted any of the decisions he made; if he ever asked himself “what if…” He didn’t answer my question but instead offered:

“Joanne, here’s my advice for you: choose your course and never look back.”

It became my mantra whenever self-doubt crept in.

And Now, I Realize...

Twenty-plus years later I still use this mantra when I am having trouble moving forward or find myself doubting my choices.  You see, we will have doubts from time to time. Whenever there is uncertainty or lack of complete information (which we introverts crave) it is natural and expected to have doubt. Doubt becomes a problem only when it paralyzes you. Furthermore, the paralysis reinforces the doubt; action is a powerful antidote to self-doubt. By taking action, you often gain the information that was missing; an uncertainty becomes a certainty. In my case, by taking action (moving across country and taking the new job) I soon discovered that: Yes, I did well; yes I made the right decision(at the time); No I was not better off in Massachusetts. [Yet I lived to tell the tale, no harm done.]

Is It Just Us Introverts?

I’m not sure if introverts experience self-doubt more often than those more extroverted. But it makes sense that we might be more prone to it because we spend more time self-reflecting. That is, we create more opportunities to realize we don’t have complete information. And I would hazard a guess that introverts find it more distressing to have doubts, again because we tend to focus more on our inward journey.

So...

Next time you’re faced with self-doubt, take heart. You are definitely not alone, and it’s completely natural. Acknowledge the doubt and don’t resist it. Then:

Make your choice or decision, take action, and never look back.

If you must look somewhere, look ahead, because that’s where your answers lie!

It's a Major Award!

For the 3 of you who haven't seen it yet; the title is a shout-out to A Christmas Story.

So, a few days ago, I received an email from a virtual colleague of mine (and fellow introvert), Ellen H. Brown.  She nominated me for a Kreativ Blogger award! Yeah me! And thank you, Ellen. I appreciate your support, especially because I have not been blogging for very long, often suffer from blogger's block and sometimes wonder if I'm talking to myself on this blog. (Yes, I know a few of you read it, and a few of you even leave comments, but I am allowed to exaggerate and be a drama queen every now and then). I prefer to focus on quality over quantity; it's validating to have this choice recognized with an award, be it major or minor. I'm just about as pleased to get this award as the Darren McGavin character in A Christmas Story was to get his "major award."

Now, I guess this Kreativ Blogger award is what is known as a "meme." (I'm not sure what a meme is myself, but I'm giving it my best guess -- forgive me if I'm mistaken).  So there's some stuff I'm supposed to do and then pass it on:

1. Thank the person who has given you the award
2. Place the logo on your blog
3. Link to the person who nominated you
4. Name 7 things about yourself that people might find interesting
5. Nominate 7 bloggers for this award and post links to their blogs
6. Send a message to let them know they've been nominated

I've done 1-3 above.

Seven Interesting Facts about Me:

1. When I was 5 years old I wanted a live penguin (and nothing else) for Christmas. We lived in Ohio at the time. (I now own several stuffed penguins).
2. In elementary school, any time there was a play to be cast, I was always given the role with the most lines (whether I wanted it or not) because I had a phenomenal memory. I sometimes memorized others' lines as well (unintentionally).
3. I became the first African-American to captain a women's athletic team (women's fencing) at my undergraduate institution, The Johns Hopkins University. I didn't realize it at the time; I saw this milestone noted in a recent alumni publication.
4. I have a private pilot certificate and an instrument rating. I worked, in the early 90s, at a small magazine called Professional Pilot as the News Editor.
5. In the past 20 years, I have resided in 6 different states in this order: CA, MA, AZ, MD, CT, NJ, CA, AZ. It's not a typo; I've moved to and from both CA and AZ twice.
6. I can't parallel park to save my life!
7. I harbor a secret fear that deep down, I'm a really boring person to be around, my blog posts are boring, my speeches are boring, etc. I act in spite of that fear, but it slows me down quite a bit.

Seven Blogs I Nominate for the Kreativ Blogger Award:

1. Michelle Ward (I'm your biggest fan) is an enthusiastic certified coach for creatives, specializing in helping them decide what they want to do/be when they grow up. We also went to the same coaching school, so I know she's "all trained up" to a high standard. Her blog makes me smile (or laugh) every time I visit it. Her blog/website is titled: When I Grow Up.
2. Tracey Lawton is an online business manager/virtual assistant who has jump-started my online marketing efforts. She manages my newsletter (you ARE subscribed to it, right?) and she sees that my article marketing stays on track. Because of her, I look like a pro when it comes to content marketing. She blogs at: Office Organization Success.
3. Introvert Retreat is written by a group of four contributors. It's for and about introverts, so of course the posts are thoughtful and well written.
4. I recently discovered Rise of the Innerpreneur and I love this blog. It expresses a lot of my thoughts and feelings, only better than I can. Plus, I really like the blog badge; you can see it for yourself on the sidebar. Visit the blog and get a badge for your own blog.
5. Karen Batchelor writes Midlife's A Trip. She's a certified coach who specializes in "midlife makeovers" and is another fellow graduate of my coaching school.  I went to school with some talented folks! Her site, like her personality, is brimming with positive energy.
6. Beverly Mahone is a force to be reckoned with! (I say this fondly). I discovered Beverly on twitter. I admire her tell-it-like-it-is style. Or as she would describe it, she "keeps it real." Beverly's site is Boomer Diva Nation; I believe the name says it all.
7. Living Introverted is another blog that is written by and for introverts. And yet another blog where I think the author does such a better job at expressing herself than I. (But hey, I'm gong to keep blogging anyway).

Better Done Than Perfect

I have a not-so-surprising confession to make: I’m a perfectionist.  If my correspondence is any indication, many introverts share this trait (and I suspect many extroverts as well).

Perfectionism serves us in many ways: it motivates us to make our best effort; it results in high-quality, accurate work; it fuels our self-esteem (who wants to think of herself as mediocre?). However, there are also many ways in which perfectionism does not serve us: it prevents us from completing (or sometimes starting) a project;  it sets us up for failure (because the “perfect” result is never attained) – which then damages our self-esteem. 

So there you have it: perfectionism can be a double-edged sword that simultaneously helps and hurts our self-esteem.  This is one reason we find it so hard to “let go” of our perfectionist tendencies – we may be aware of the downside, but we don’t want to lose the upside.

So what’s a conflicted introvert to do?  My recommendations (I have used these for myself with moderate success):

• Recognize that perfection is an ideal, not necessarily an attainable goal.
• Keep the desire for the ideal, but drop the insistence on it (i.e. make it a want, not a need).
• Stop beating yourself up for being a perfectionist – it probably helped you get where you are today.
• At the same time, stop using perfectionism as an excuse to not start or complete something. (yeah it feels uncomfortable, but it gets easier with practice).
• Distinguish between doing your best (which is within your control) and doing a perfect job (which may not be within your control).

OK, so you want to stop using perfectionism as an excuse, but you still can’t seem to get things done.  I did not really address the “how” of changing what is probably a well-established habit for you.  Here is where your introvert processing comes in handy: try reasoning your way to a new behavior. The next time you are faced with a project you can’t begin, or can’t complete because you want it to be “perfect,” set aside some thinking time and ask yourself the following questions:

1)    How will I know this is perfect? (What objective measure can I use?)
2)    Can I make it perfect in the time allotted to this task/project?
3)    What’s the worst that could happen if I release my imperfect product/creative effort/report?
4)    Is this the best I can do right now?
5)    What can I improve upon next time?
6)    What can I learn from exposing my imperfect effort to others?
7)    What benefit will others get from my imperfect effort?
8)    What am I avoiding by withholding until everything is perfect?

Answering these questions will help you clarify your own boundaries for how much/how long you are willing to work on something before you declare it finished. Having identified a specific stopping point gets you out of the stuck-zone of endless “perfecting” cycles. At the very least, you will gain some insight into what’s really holding you back. Chances are it’s not perfectionism per se, but whatever your perfectionism is protecting you from.

Have you figured out what your perfectionism may be protecting you from? What methods have you tried to combat perfectionism (and did they work)? Or are you happy being a perfectionist and see no need to change? Please share your thoughts and experiences with a comment. (Psst, it doesn't have to be perfect!)

Ask the Coach: My boss keeps interrupting me!

Q. My boss is an attorney and is very smart and yet very arrogant.  I am a CPA and thru coaching sessions have learned that I am an introvert.  When I am meeting with my boss and he asks me a question, I like to take my time when I answer questions.  I like to think about what I am going to say rather than just blurt something out.  For my boss, this is a sign that I either don’t know the answer or he might have a better thought.  So he interrupts me and doesn’t let me finish my sentence or my thought process.  Sometimes he doesn’t even let me begin my sentence.  This is extremely frustrating.  I’m not the only one that he does this with.  Others in my group have also complained to me about the same issue.  What can I do as an introvert to let him know that I don’t appreciate being interrupted and I have good ideas as well.  He thinks he is always correct or has the better answer.  What can I do?

A. Clearly this situation bothers you, and it is not surprising because introverts generally hate to be interrupted and dislike interrupting others. Introverts in the workplace often struggle with having their well-thought-out responses (often delayed due to our long processing time) misconstrued as hesitancy or lack of confidence in our ideas. My question for you is, what bothers you more: 

1)    That you are not allowed to finish speaking, or even start speaking?
OR
2)    That your boss (in your opinion) does not think you have good ideas?

Let me oversimplify to make a point – introverts need to think before they know what to say; extroverts need to talk before they know what to think.  I suspect your boss, probably an extrovert, needs to answer his own questions, aloud, just to clarify his thinking.  He may be using you as a thinking partner without you realizing it.  In other words, he may not be interested in your answer, but he could be interested in your ability to help him refine his own answer. On the other hand, he could be interested in your answer and may not be aware that he is cutting you off. He probably assumes that you process information in the same way and that you will speak and interrupt as you see fit.

That said, here’s a few things you can try, depending on what you really want to achieve (see questions above):

1. Buy yourself some thinking time by asking clarifying questions. Get your boss to expand on his original question. Show off your introvert listening skills. If he quickly answers his own question, ask questions about his answer.
2. If you need even more time, just say it!  I like to say something along the lines of “You know, I have some preliminary ideas but they are not completely formed. Let me think about that.” Or “I want to go back and check my resources/refresh my memory before I give you an informed response.”  If I am feeling very secure with this person, I keep it light and humorous and say something like “The wheels in my head are already spinning on this one; I’m waiting for them to finish before I give my answer.”
3. Point out, as neutrally as possible, that you were interrupted and would like to finish your thought. You don’t even have to use the “i” word; just say “I want to make sure you heard my complete response; I had not finished speaking…”
4. If the question is not a time-critical one, then you can follow up the verbal meeting with an email or written memo summarizing your response in writing. It can be a more thorough restatement of your input offered in the meeting, or additional insights you gained after you had “time to think about it.”
5. Consider the possibility that after you have allowed your boss to answer his own question and clarify his thinking, he might be more open to listening to what you have to say. So instead of trying to beat him to the punch, let him do his thing and then you do yours.

My final thought: for your own emotional well-being, separate your boss’ behavior (what he does) from your interpretation of his behavior (what you think it means).

There's more where this came from; you can Ask the Coach by leaving a comment, or better still: sign up for my newsletter (the form is at the upper right), where Ask the Coach is a regularly featured item.

So Many Ideas, So Little Time

Creative people, introvert and extrovert alike, tend to be idea-generators. It’s fun; it’s inspiring and motivating to have an abundance of ideas and projects. However, the follow-through can sometimes be lacking, and then inspiration turns into frustration. Here are some tips (with my introvert-perspective) I shared in my newsletter:

Q. I am a legal secretary, an introvert for the most part.  I am ‘burning up’ inside to Do so much.  However, with so many ideas I am unable to do anything.  Hence I am literally stuck.  I would therefore love some guidance.

A. You are definitely not alone. People write entire books about this dilemma, so I won’t pretend that I can solve yours with just a few paragraphs. However, I can point you in the right direction and perhaps get you moving, even if it’s just a tiny step. 

First, get some clarity about exactly how you are stuck. For example, is it that you have difficulty choosing an idea (which means not choosing the others) or do you have difficulty deciding which one to do first? Do you realize you don’t have enough time to pursue all of them? Or perhaps not enough money for all of them?  Are you trying to do all of them at once and hence get overwhelmed? Is it plain old indecision? In other words, what is stopping you from doing?

Are you aware of your needs and values? This is a first step I put all my clients through. In terms of choosing actions, I recommend first doing the things that satisfy your needs. Then, after your needs have been met; choose the actions that are most closely aligned to your values.

Get your ideas out of your head! One of my former clients (and myself) have benefited from creating a Brilliant Ideas notebook. It’s just a notebook (preferably with a jazzy cover that inspires you) where you jot down all the ideas of things you want to do “someday.” This way, no idea gets forgotten.  You can act on each idea as time permits. Or you can decide, as my client discovered, that some of these ideas have been replaced by better ideas or that there’s just not enough time to do them all in one lifetime – so some things in your Brilliant Ideas notebook will never get acted on.  And that is OK – remember it’s your choice. Once you have your ideas out of your head and stored somewhere safe (in your notebook) you can stop fretting about what you have not done. This, believe it or not, frees you up to act when you are good and ready.

Make it OK to experiment and change your mind. Perhaps you have a lot of things you want to do because you are curious. You want to try something out – and if you don’t like it, move on to the next thing. You may be afraid that if you do that, people will call you flaky.  Well, that describes me (curious, not flaky).  Here’s where I start to sound like a broken record – give yourself permission to change your mind.  It could be you are stuck because you are telling yourself that whatever you choose to do, you are stuck with doing forever.

Introverts like to mull things over, so go ahead and enjoy the thinking process. As one of my blog commenters reminded me, for some introverts (e.g. INFP) generating possibilities is fun, and making a decision ends the fun. Consider the possibility that you have so many ideas because you like generating ideas, and maybe they weren’t all meant to be acted on.

Readers: if you share this problem, please let me know if any of these tips worked for you. Comment below!